I know that I have been absent from my blog as of the last couple weeks.  I have to admit I have gone down a path that I don't want too.  I started binging again.  I am not proud of this fact as a matter of fact I am down right ashamed of myself.  I weighed in a couple weeks ago and found I had gained four pounds.  I just wanted to cry, to run away anything but deal with the fact that I am not doing as well as I had hoped.  I have a knee problem, from my new walking that I took on in the last couple months.  I went to the doctor yesterday and found I do not have a bone problem, but I have a tear of some sort.  I am off to see the specialist next week.  This however does not give me an excuse to binge.  I needed a good kick to the butt, and that is what I got in a few different ways this week.  First I received an unmarked letter in the mail with a clipping from dear Abbey about OA.  I have mentioned in the past Over eaters anonymous.  I am very familiar with this group since I have attended before.  It is very close to AA, but for people with eating disorders.  Since I am an emotional eater this does in fact see to be a good place for me to go.  Thank you to whoever sent that eye opener.  The next eye opener was that when I visited the doctor he talked to me about gastric bypass surgery.  Yes I have hear this many times over the years.  I have also heard some very bad things about it as well.  He told me rather bluntly that my life is now going to just decline.  I had explained to him my knee and back problems and these were the first words he came out with.  Did I want to cry right then and there?  You bet I did!  I am so angry with myself!  How did I get this far, why did I back slide?  The only answer that I have for this is that I am an addict when it comes to some types of foods.  Some people ask well how could you be addicted to food.  My response is it seems to fill some void I am lacking.  I am trying as we speak to work this out with a counselor.  I did not want to have to write about my short comings.  However I must keep trying no matter how many times I slip up.  With the grace of God all things are possible.  I don't want to die an early death!  I don't want for my health to decline any further.  Sometimes I feel so strong and others so week.  If you are reading this, please say a prayer for me.  To my dear friends out there who have supported me this far thank you.  For the naysayers I say I am only human and yes I have fallen, but I can hope this will make me stronger every time I pick myself back up again.  All things are possible! xo