Falling back into old habits is a very hard thing for me.  One of the habits that I am trying to beat is sleeping to much and naps.  When the weather is dreary and or cold, there seems to be a great comfort to me to crawl into bed with my three dogs and just go to sleep.  Where I got this particular habit it a mystery to me.  It may be also like watching a good movie and eating.  It happened's to be a good form of escapism.  Being a creature of habit I am really not doing well especially today with this one.  It is gloomy outside and a bit cold.  In one way though at least I am not cheating on my diet and eating.  I just need to get up and keep moving.  I am going for a walk later today with my friend for a mile, so hopefully it get's me out of this wanting to sleep mood.  All things are possible.  xo

This is something that I have to remind myself of on almost a daily basis.  Don't let other peoples ignorance get you down.  I used to really be affected by this.  It made me want to eat more.  I will give you an example.  I really don't like (I may have said this in the past) going to the mall, the side of a busy street, board walks etc....This is because when you are my size you start to get eyes in the back of your head and you just know when people are talking about you.  It is a very uncomfortable feeling and I do not want to subject my friends or family to the ridicule that I sometime attract.  Sometimes I don't even need the eyes in the back of my head because these certain people will say thing loud enough for me and anyone else around to hear.  I was out walking last week and of course some people drove by me yelling out there window.  Yes it was about my weight.  I would just like to thank them for pointing out the obvious that I am overweight.  If they had not told me I would not have had any clue.  Please people when you pick on someone for there flaws is it really necessary to point out the elephant in the room? (no pun intended)  I am a believer that if you act confident for the most part people will not say much, but every once in a while you will still find a jerk or two.  So when this happenends I am going to try and not go binge or stop whatever activity I am doing at the time.  I understand the basic psychology of this, that the person may just be insecure themselves, however this type of thing does not always just roll of ones back.  Please God help me to be forgiving to these ignorant people.  All things are possible. xo

I know we have discussed this before, but I wanted to touch on it again.  Some of the people in my life really feel they have my best interest at heart.  However I want to check in once again with the word sabotaging.  I have a very difficult time with some very particular things.  I am sure we all have some foods that are triggers for us.  Mine just happens to be dessert!  While I was away on vacation I tested the waters (no pun intended) with sugar free desserts.  When I returned home I discovered that many of these sugar free desserts have just as many calories and fat than the real thing.  This is not good.  So when well intending people offer me sugar free things it can be a temptation in itself.  Having just had Easter pass I found this to be very true.  I am finding I am best if I just stick to very simple things without a lot of process going on.  Like fruits etc...I kind of feel like this if you were an alcoholic would your friends bring you wine to drink saying that its okay because it's not the hard stuff?  Or would they bring into your home different kinds of alcohol and say that you could just have a sip to try them.  I think not!  So the next time you want to press a friend who is trying to diet to have just one small piece think of what I just said.  One small piece could send me into a bender for the rest of the week.  All things are possible! xo 

I am generally the type of person who thinks that after a few weeks a diet seems to get easier.  For me that is.  I have had success in the past and this theory seems to hold true.  It's funny because I saw someone asking for dieting advice on facebook the other day.  I knew the answers she was looking for, however I held back because of my obesity.  You see the obese seems to understand diets more than anyone else.  We have tried all the different fads, and of course traditional ways to diet.  I could teach a class on how to loose weight.  I have seen medical doctors, psychiatrists, councilors, dietitians, trainers, been to OA, read every book I could get my hands on about the subject.  I still refrain from diet advice for the most part, because they will just look at you and say "well obviously it did not work for you!"  Yes my way has worked for me before, but my addiction has gotten me right back to the start or worse.  I will confide in you that at one point about 12 years ago I lost 150 pounds.  That is not a typo either!  At that time I did not have the health problems I do now.  I was so proud of myself and so close to were I thought I wanted to be.  As you can see though I got right back to were I was before and then some.  This is not to be negative!  I realize this is my journey and I and only I can work out my problems.  So when you are with someone that is obese they most likely will have the diet answers you seek. Back to my theory on diets getting easier as you go along.  This past week has been just awful for me.  For some unknown reason to me I have wanted to eat everything and anything that I can.  I have not given in for the most part, but I have exceeded my calories quite a bit this week.  To say I am displeased with myself is putting it mildly.  My mind likes to toy with me.  If I go off one meal, I will think what's one more, or I skipped exercise today whats another day.  You get the point.  Last week I lost one pound when I weighed in.  Okay so this is going in the right direction.  But seriously one pound.  I have my weigh in for the News Herald one week from today and I need to up my game big time.  All things are possible. xo

For whatever reason this seems to have been one of my toughest weeks.  I have gone over my calories almost every day, and I have been wanting to binge so badly.  I have managed not to binge, and have continued with walking a mile each day this week.  I just need to get a handle on things.  I am not sure why some weeks are more tough than others.  Obviously there are temptations here and there, but for the most part it is something that comes from within.  I am a all or nothing type of girl.  So when I have a slight set back it frustrates me greatly.  I knew that getting on the scale this week was going to be a challenge.  I weighed in this morning.  I did not have the results I wanted for the week, but I just have to keep looking forward.  I did loose though.  There are other people in this program that are loosing much faster than I.  Sometimes I just have to tell myself it's okay.  They may not have the health problems that I do.  Whatever the reason there is no excuse to give up.  So I trudge slowly threw this process.  Knowing each pound that mounts up will one day add up to a lot!  All things are possible. xo

I figured with being as good as I have been it would be no problem to make it threw Easter.  I met up with my family at a restaurant.  Unfortunately there were only a limited number of things on the menu that I could order.  Not many were diet friendly.  So I did the best that I could and continued from there.  I made a point not to linger in the restaurant for to long, because they were having dessert and handing out homemade cupcakes etc...  I managed to get out of the restaurant with with no dessert and a fairly wholesome meal.  However I did not realize the pitfalls still to come.  This whole week people have been trying to share there goodies with me.  My mom bought cookies, and some people just told me to have a bite of this or that and it wont hurt me.  Okay I managed threw all of that.  However my family brought home some delicious leftovers and I just could not resist.  My will power has been so week this week.  For some reason all I want to do is eat.  I keep hearing over and over in my mind,"A little bit won't hurt you".  So instead of getting any regular candy I bought myself a 85% cacaos dark chocolate bar.  (they are supposed to be good for you).  I had been just taking small pieces of it all this week until today when I got the urge to eat the rest of it up.  I need prayer, guidance and willpower.  God please grant me the strength to do this. All things are possible! xo

I am still friends with most of the people that I have dated in the past.  I had one call me last night to see if I wanted to get something to eat.  I told him that I was on a new schedule and I had to be in bed by midnight.  Mind you he called me at nine PM.  So I offered for him to come to visit with me at my home.  He excepted and said he was going to stop and get something to eat on the way.  Now he knows that I am on this diet.  He calls me and asks me do I want a hot fudge sundae.  I tell him no.  He then asked me if I want a milk shake.  I told him that I am trying to diet.  He got mad and said that I needed to loosen up a bit.  A little bit won't hurt.  Needless to say I did not give in even when he was munching chocolate chip cookies in front of me.  I must be a glutton for punishment because that is not the only person who has done that to me.  I tend not to speak up about things and just let them pass.  However I am writing this in hopes that some of you out there will not be a tempter to people who are trying very hard to do something good with there life.  All things are possible. xo

Yesterday I went to a friends house for the evening.  I had eaten a late lunch and felt I should be good until I returned home.  My friend and I always watch shows together each week at a particular time.  I really enjoy this because of my friendship as well as losing myself in a good show.  Anything to avoid thinking of food.  We talked for quite some time and then settled down for our shows.  Every commercial had some sort of delicious food in it.  So the cravings started kicking in.  I was having a hard time focusing on my show.  By this time my stomach felt very empty and I really wanted to just eat something.  Anything!  I felt like a addict because it took everything I had last night to drive by the fast food restaurants on the way home.  I am so thankful today that I did not stop.  One day at a time.  I don't know what I expect from myself.  I know this is going to be a long journey!  I feel like the pounds are coming off so slow.  I guess I want some amazing results.  Little by little they will start mounting up.  All things are possible. xo

Today I am going to touch on  the subject of keeping a food Journal.  This is a practice that I learned many years ago that I find works very well for me.  I carry a small note pad with me to write down even the smallest things that I consume.  I do this because I am the type of person that thinks things don't count if you only have a bite of this or a bite of that.  This helps me to be more mindful of everything I eat.  So if I do have a bite of something I write it down.  Along with writing all of this down I also note how much fluid I take in and the calories of each and everything.  I do not let myself go over 1800 calories per day.  You may wonder how do I know exactly how many calories in each item.  I do not eat it if I don't know what the calories are.  I carry a calorie counter with me also.  I know there are many other ways to go about this process however this seems to be the easiest for me.  I know you can log it online and the computer will figure out your calories for you.  I don't do it this way though because I may not be home for a few hours and I have to know were I am at for the day at all times.  This is so I can figure out how many calories I can spend per meal.  I also have a nifty little scale that will tell me the weigh of things and the amount of calories, however this I am not going to carry in my purse. I was also told about an app for my cell phone that will help me keep track.  It doesn't matter how you do it just journal!  All things are possible.xo