Well I have been doing relatively good when it comes to the types of food I have been eating, however I am having a problem with how much and what exactly the caloric amount of each thing is.  I have a feeling I may be going over.  I have been walking a couple miles a day.  I also have been keeping busy with other activities as well.  I have not gone in the pool however because I feel there are to many people around for me to sneak in and out.  lol.  I have also been going to the gym on board at night when it is less busy.  Maybe I should go to the pool at night when no one else is around:)  I am slowly working my way up with the exercise and energy levels.  My family keeps taking pictures and I look at them and am not please with what I am seeing so that is keeping me motivated.  Yesterday I had a run in with some frozen yogurt!  I only intended on having one for the day, however I ate two.  I also was walking my laps to get my walking in and I still can not go a mile without stopping.  I just have to remember all things are possible:)xo

I am checking in from the cruise ship.  I have been doing well with eating the right things with the exception of one thing.  I made the mistake of eating sugar free deserts.  I say this was a mistake because I have not been factoring in the calories and fat that these elaborate deserts have inside of them.  I just though oh sugar free they are ok to eat.  Not so after I checked.  I am getting plenty of walking in and lots of fruits and veggies.  I have been forcing the water intake.  It's easy to over look these small things when everyone around you is indulging!  I will not fail!  I will just have to work harder over the next 15 days on board these ships.  They have a great work out facility and lots of health food.  I am very blessed to have this opportunity to travel so I must make the most of every minute.  I want to subject myself to things that I normally would not do, so.....I will let you know how that go's.  xo

I have been doing very well with the eating on the road!  I have made healthy decisions and even looked the other way with strong will power while others eat things I really wish that I could.  I have been tired from the driving so I have not gotten as much exercise as I should be getting.  I also need to be careful with the emotional eating.  When ever I have a problem I can not turn to my old best friend chocolate.  I need to stay focused!  I had something very disturbing happen to me today.  I say this because I have had blinders on and have been in denial!  I do not have a full length mirror at home, so most of the time I just focus on the shoulders up.  Today I looked at myself in a full length mirror with very few clothes on.  I was very mortified by what I saw.  A wave of I am not sure I can do this washed over me.  How did I let it get this far?  I am very mad at myself.  It was bad enough facing my true weight, but when you see the results of what you have done to yourself it's totally a different thing.  I just have to hop on the treadmill after I write this tonight and think positive.  I can do this, I can do this!  Every day I will be closer to my goal.  Please keep me in your prayers because this is going to be a long hard journey.  I know all things are possible for those who believe.xo

On Friday I weighed in.  I got some good news that I am right on track were I want to be:)  I was very happy about that.  Saturday I had a benefit dinner to go to.  Nine of us went together and there were many more there that I knew.  It was a spaggetti dinner so I knew I may get off track a little.  I planned ahead and ate very light during the day, so I would have plenty of calories left for the evening meal.  I have to say that I did well with the salad, and picked a marinara sauce, that part was okay.  The part that I goofed on was eating 4 meatballs and desert.  I do have to commend myself however because I could have gotten seconds on the spaggetti and the desert but I did not.  I at least am being more mindful of what I am doing even when I am in a situation that I can not differ my food.  I do feel a bit guilty about eating that, but I just have to remember that I can do this and I will not fail.  I also am so thankful for all the people that are supporting me in this venture.  It means a lot to me to know I have this support and know that I am not alone.  I am getting ready to leave on vacation for one month.  I will continue to blog my progress from the road and the cruise ship I will be boarding.  I know there will be a lot of temptations, however I plan to keep active.  I am an avid traveler so I already have some plans in place.  I think that the hardest thing will be the drive to and from Florida.  We will need to break it up into three days at least because I have to stop every two hours to get out and walk so I do not get blood clots.  I can never be to careful after my heart attack.  The doctor gave me the go ahead and said the driving is the only part she is worried about.  I am more worried about the food on the road.  Tomorrow I will pack my lunch and snacks and continue to journal everything I eat during the day.  I just want to thank my friends also for dog sitting and house sitting for me.  It is so wonderful to have great friends:)  xo

Today I would like to talk about people who willfully sabotage peoples diets.  Last week I went to a party and I heard," here you can have a little piece of this cake".  I have actually heard it all before.  I have to really be careful around these people.  This is because I have a addictive personality.  For instance if there is a box of candy in the house and I eat one piece I will keep going back until I eat the whole box.  Hence it is better for me not to even temp myself with a taste.  I had a ex boyfriend that really liked to sabotage.  He would say you don't have to eat this, but smell how good it smells.  Then he would put it under my nose.  He couldn't understand why I would get mad.  Many times at holidays, birthday, and vacations I have heard oh it's just for today.  You can get back on your diet tomorrow, or when you get back home.  How about when's the next time you will have a chance to eat this kind of food.  A little bit won't hurt you!  Splurge, live a little, have fun......You get the picture.  I must be strong and not buckle under the pressure of these people.  I think these people really do not understand that what they are doing is harmful to someone whom is trying to really watch there food intake.  I don't expect others to eat any differently around me, just don't ask me to try your food.  Another thing is don't try and talk me out of my daily routine.  I have a hard time saying no to people and so if someone calls and I had planned to work out I will not always say no to them because I feel their needs come first.  I must realize my needs come first now, that my health is on the line.  I also know that there are specific foods out there that will trigger me to binge eat.  I also have to stay away from those foods like a alcoholic does with alcohol.  There are so many people out there who are very supportive and you know who you are!  Thank you for walking this road by my side!  xo

Today I have decided to put out there the truth about what I have experienced in the past and present being morbidly obese.  I was always a very heavy child.  I do not put this mildly!  I was 150 pounds by the age of 5 years old, by 12 over 200 pounds and by the time I hit high school 300 pounds.  I tried to live as normal as a life as possible growing up.  I played sports, went to amusement parks, and had good friends had crushes on cute boys and went roller skating at least twice a week.  My earliest memory of any thing wrong with myself was in kindergarten.  Before that I did not have a lot of contact with other children and the adults in my life did not say much about being overweight.  I was an only child, with no neighbors and no cousins near my age.  So I tended to spend a lot of time with adults and my animals.  Oh yeah and eating.  My parents owned a business that I had access to a lot of food at any time, so there really was no monitoring of what I ate.  That first memory that I am thinking of is when a fire truck came to my school and all of the children stood in line to be lifted up into the fire truck to see what it was like inside.  For some reason though they would not lift me up.  This baffled me and upset me greatly.  I now understand why.  I was just to big for any one to lift up.  I really did quite a job of fooling my parents that all was well at school.  I did not want them to find out my secret that others bullied and made fun of me at any chance they could.  Another early memory at that age is going to Sea Word and wanting to go on the kids play stuff and not being aloud because they said I was over the weight limit.  This seemed to be a popular theme in my young years.  I can remember not fitting into the desks at school.  I was always the last to be picked for sports and as for that matter anything.  Yes what they say is true, children can be very mean!  I think it was at this point that I realized that food was my best friend.  When I would come home from school and feel badly about myself I would head straight to the food.  I know a lot of people tend to thing that obese people are dirty, ugly, or lazy people, however I did not fall into that category.  I was high energy for being my size.  I wanted so much to fit in.  How does one fit in when you are obese?  I guess I tried my best and I don't have any hard feelings toward those people now.  I just think if they were more informed they may find that there are other things going on.  Luckily for me I could really hit a soft ball and so I was on a league for many years.  I used to joke that I had to hit a long ball so I could make it around the bases. They used me to clean up.  As I grew older I was always the girl who would fix up my friends with the guys.  I knew better than to expect anything else, because it was made quite clear to me that I was quite the beast.  I can remember in high school being kicked, punched, spit on you name it for being the way I looked.  If I could do things over you bet I would watch my food intake.  When I got out of school I moved quite far away to attend college.  I didn't want to face the people who had such fun tormenting me.  This I think is about the time that I truly started to become the person I am today.  Mind you all threw these growing up years I tried and tried to diet, exercise etc.  I did make a lot of friends at college and so my confidence started to go up, however the weight still did not come down.  Now I would just lean on food for stress and it would feel great doing it and in the moment, however the guilt I felt afterward can not be explained.  I had been told by many people that I was pretty but you need to lose weight.  At this time plus size modeling came into the scene.  I decided I was going to try out.  I did a pageant and had good luck, so I decided I was going to be the one who stood up for the plus size people that were being ridiculed.  I moved to NYC and followed my dreams.  I have to say it was a bit odd being over weight there, because people are always moving and active and walking.  At this time I was back under the 300 pound mark.  I learned a lot there and realized that I wanted to get into photography and makeup artistry.  I think I love this field because I can make anyone feel good about themselves.  I remember doing a photo shoot with a little girl with one eye and she was so happy that her pictures turned out great.  That's the kind of feeling I love.  Helping others.  I want to note here that if I had not gone threw the things I had I don't think I would be as opened minded as I am today.  I really believe God has a plan for all of us.  I knew the weight problem would be detrimental to my health, but I also kept thinking I have time.  I broke my leg in my 20's and it was so difficult to do anything with crutches because of my weight.  I could not walk long distance, so I had to be wheeled in a wheelchair.  I felt awful, because even the wheelchair was to small for my ever growing size. I have had all sort of weird things happen to me because of this size problem.  People get mad because I may over lap my seat.  So I always make sure to have a thin person with me to sit next to me so that no one will complain.  I go to the gym and the scale doesn't go up high enough. I stopped going to the mall years ago because I got tired of the stares.  I love to go in the water to swim, but when I do I dash quickly so hopefully no one will see me and be offended by what they see.  At restaurants chairs do not always fit, and I feel as though I am being judged by what I select. I have not been able to go into a regular store in years to pick out clothes.  There are only two stores in this area that can fit my size.  I started to grow more reclusive over a few of the past years.  I am very blessed though to have many many good friends and family that back what ever I choose to do.  I know now that they only want what is best for my health.  After my heart attack at 40 years old I started to get to the point that I thought, well this is it.  It's over for me.  I felt like that for quite some time.  They say you have to hit rock bottom to come back up, well I was at the bottom!  I have a very bad back problem that I am sure is made much worse by my weight.  I started not being able to do things.  I have a great love of animals and am quite active with my three dogs (I should say as active as someone who is morbidly obese with a bad back can be).  That to was now being taken away from me.  Then I thought one day.  Who will take care of my animals if I let this go further, who will take care of my aging parents, and for that matter who will take care of me?  I started to think maybe I should start making out what I would like for the paper to say at my time of death.  I made my friends and family promise they would not take my dogs to a shelter but find someone that would take them.  Okay that's it!  Even if this endeavor takes my life at least I died trying and was not a quitter.  I once before had a major weight loss in my late twenty's.  If I could do it then I can do it now.  All things are possible for those who believe! xoxo  

I am happy to say that my physical today went very well.  My blood pressure is down with no medication.  I have lost weight over the last week.  I have been given the green light for some specific exercises.  All in all I am very happy with the doctor visit today.  I did get blood work done to double check my thyroid.  I am on thyroid medication and they check every so often to see if I am getting the correct dose of medication.  My doctor was very happy that I signed up for this program.  I got some things done this morning including some walking.  I still need to get my sleep schedule in order.  I am all over the place with when and if I go to bed.  I am a night person, so it is hard for me to go to bed to early.  Mornings are a struggle for me.  Last night I went out to dinner with some friends and we went to Applebee's and I ordered off their 550 calories or less menu.  It was a good meal and I had a good time with my friends.  I also burned some calories before hand by walking around window shopping with them for a couple hours.  xo 

The weekend went fairly well for me.  However I still am having a problem with getting motivated on the exercise.  I think mainly because I have a very bad back.  I know I need to get to the pool and try and do some exercising there.  I also need to walk more.  I know that I will not be able to do high intensity workouts until I get some weight off.  My friends keep telling me it will be a slow process.  I have added more to my diet in the way of fruits and vegetables.  I have been making myself try new things that I previously would not eat.  I had some mushrooms this past weekend and found them okay so long as they were cooked.  When I go out to eat I really need to be very specific, with my order.  I noticed they really do include a lot of butter and or oils.  Last night I had a sub from subway and half way threw I discovered it had mayo on it.  Its all about watching all the little things.  That mayo adds up very quick.  Especially if it is not low fat or low cal.  I have also been eating more small meals.  Yesterday I ate 3 meals and 3 snacks and I felt like all I did was eat all day.  The thing is though I watch television and especially at night find the food commercials drive me nuts.  Yummy pizza, burgers, tacos.....You get the picture.  Even though I do not find myself getting hungry much, I still am having intense cravings for sweets and junk food.  Like I said before its fun to sit down and just mindlessly eat while watching a movie.  I need to fill that with other things.

From Feb. 4, 2012:

Today I found some great things that I can have at a fast food place without blowing my diet or should I say new way of life:)  I investigated calories for these places because I will be going on vacation in a couple weeks and I need to know what I can have on the road trip portion.  I found some good choices at McDonald's such as the yogurt parfait, there plain garden salad, their fruit and nut salad, and their oatmeal.  Of course there is always the obvious choice of Subway.  I also found that chilli from Wendy's is good on protein and low in calories and very filling.  I have a problem with getting in enough protein, so I also investigated nuts and beans.  I found pistachios as a good fit for me, and chick peas or hummus with vegetables.  I must admit that some of these things are far cry from the snacks I normally would have.  However I am feeling a bit more pep today. 

From Feb. 3, 2012:

Hey there!  I am back to check in.  Last night and today have gone very well with the food intake:)  However I really need to work on getting more exercise.  Every day I say I am going to do this or that and I don't follow threw.  I am here to hold myself accountable.  So far today I have eaten a grand total of 1400 calories.  I still have room for a small snack.  Oh yes and more water.  I think I am losing weight just from going to the bathroom pulling my pants up and down.  Sugar craving today have been minimal.  I just have to stop myself from driving  by the favorite fast food places.  I cleaned my car today so that I will not be tempted to eat in the car.  I am also trying not to mindlessly eat.  For example while reading the paper, or watching television.  Okay I have to share that I cook for my dogs chicken, rice, and vegetables, and even their specially prepared food is looking good to me.  How bad is that?  lol.  I walked into my parents house today and they were baking potato's and even that brought on a craving.  Come on Cynthia!  Shake it off!   I can do this!  Any ideas on how I can mindlessly exercise.  lol.  I'm trying to incorporate fun things.  Such as Wii, shopping, dog park..... hmmm maybe walking and talking on the cell phone.  Just to keep me moving.  I am so thank full for the chance to do this with all of you!  I will check back in later. 

From Feb. 2, 2012:

I would like to introduce myself.  My name is Cynthia and I need as much support as possible!   I decided to join the lighten up program threw the News Herald.  Over the next six months I will be    

blogging about my efforts in weight loss.  My hope is to take you exactly threw what I am experiencing.  I have never blogged before so this will be my first effort in doing so.  I would like to give all of you a little back ground information about myself.  I am 41 years old, and need to take off a very large amount of weight!  This last year I had a  big scare in my life.  I had a 99% blockage in a heart artery and had a heart attack.  I had to have a stint placed, and am hoping this is the beginning of the road to my long recovery.  I will be checking in often to let you know of the progress that I make and the challenges that I face.  I am looking for any tips that you may have to give.  I started this journey on Sunday by weighting in, and it wasn't such a good thing.  This is the heaviest that I have ever been.  I have always been very heavy even as a child, but this weigh in was more of the eye opener that I needed to get going.  My first thought after weighting in was....what shall I have for my last big splurge.  Hmmmm so many choices.  Okay what can I say I am a addict, a slave to junk food.  In general I am very picky about what I eat, with the exception of sweets.  So I had my last big binge by eating a mint chocolate milk shake.  Boy could I go for one right now.  I ate that and it felt great going down, however when I was done the guilt was worse than ever.  Why is it that eating can be so fun and fill that empty spot for the moment?  Why can some people eat and eat and never gain weight, why, why , why?  The first full day I tried very hard to keep myself busy.  You see I very much like to take naps and since this is a new way of life for me, I will not be doing that.  Day two I am getting irritated.  I think I am having sugar with drawls.  I know from past experience that it will take me a good couple of weeks to get over this symptom.  I also have to keep moving.  I really want to go swimming at my local gym, however being seen by everyone in the pool area is not really a joy.  Neither is admitting my neglect that I have done to my body.  They say your body is supposed to be a temple,  I guess mine is falling down and needs some major repair.  I need to work on building confidence and strength in myself.  I am hoping to do this several different ways.  I need to get myself together spiritually as well as physically.  So my first plan of action is to start having a daily devotional time, followed by exercise, eating right, surrounding myself with friends and family, and going to OA.  I also need to focus on more water consumption and making sure that I get all of my vitamins.  I have been really wanting to cheat so far this week, but have not done so as of yet.  I know I have to take my life into account now.  Lord please walk with me and help me to be a inspiration to others. Talk to you more tomorrow.  xoxo